His journey, not mine.

“Return, O faithless sons, I will heal your faithlessness,”  “Behold, we come to you, for you are the LORD our God.  Jeremiah 3:22

For starters -His faithfulness absolutely blows me away.  You might be thinking Stef- rando verse to pick for your blog- but this makes my heart beat fast.  He is the healer of our faithlessness- and in the midst of talking about the faithlessness is still willing to say sons.  I’m studying Jeremiah with one of my incredible Waco sisters, Stacks, and this is where we’ve been digging (by His grace) and where my heart is really sitting. He is so good, so faithful, so sovereign, and so unchanging.

 

It has been way too long since I have attempted to hop back into blogging life, but I can say whole-heartily that after skimming back through Africa blogs my heart is still in a super similar spot- and I’m ready to jump back into throw heart into typing blog life.  There is way way too much from June until now to throw into one single blog- so we’ll go in steps I guess. This one I think is just like a I’ve really been itching to hop back on the blog train- I’m pretty confident that my fingers cannot type at the rate everything is moving in my heart and life right now so we’re gonna stick with the poetry train.  This summer I got the sweetest opportunity when I came home from kamp to hang out with a kid that is so so incredible.  She rolls by the name of Casey, and I got to coach her when she was just a energetic third-grader playing rec ball in good ole Baxter Springs!  Thankfully Baxter is the kind of town, Mayberry if you will, where everyone knows everyone – therefore, I get the sweetest God given opportunities to do life with girls simply because we grew up in really similar spots getting to watch all of each others lives unfold.  That being said when the Lord opened a crazy door to come home from kamp early, I got to walk into the sweetest friendship with her.  My vocabulary is not big enough, and words are not deep enough to explain to you how the Lord is using this precious girl to absolutely flip my world on its head. Case has a situation with her health that most days I cannot even begin to fathom, and that is more difficult to walk through than I can describe.  Watching this process has been unbelievable and He really does so much more than I can ever imagine in every situation. God is so faithful, and so near to us – that I think a lot of times when our lives are turned up too loud we miss the still whisper of our Savior.  When I hang out with Case- it’s the kind of quiet in my heart that I want all the time- His Word is so clear- my heart gets to beat in tune with His.  On my own I have nothing worth saying, there is nothing I can do to fix anything- it’s all Jesus.  His word goes forth and accomplishes what He sets it forth to, He loves her well, He is Healer, He is Awesome, He is Mighty, Faithful, Sovereign, Just, Near, the Only Worthy One.  John 15 continually beats in my heart with the realization that nothing really is what is possible apart from Him.  Thankful that it will always all be by His grace, and for His glory.  His joy really is full, and He really is more than enough.  These are not just lyrics of songs we rock to on KLOVE or quickly tag to facebook posts- it’s Truth- He breathed it out- and it stands.  All this being said is that my heart is just in a really sweet place once again of just watching God do what only He can, and being blown away by the opportunities that I never would have planned because I would have never seen them with my own eyes.  His vision, His thoughts, His ways- so much higher than mine, so much better.  I’m attaching a poem that I just finished that kind of throws together my heart beat for doing life with Jesus and beside Case in this season.  Again not claiming poetry is anything I can rock well, just a way that the Lord helps me transfer the passion/pains/joys/and road bumps that daily I get to encounter as I journey with Him.  I can tell you that I couldn’t fit in a blog all that He is teaching me through Casey, but I can tell you that I am learning to watch Him move in the smallest of ways everyday, that I am more thankful for everyday’s chai teas/open Bibles/coffee dates/dances in the living room/ talking to my parents on the phone/having friends that really are iron in my life/ sisters that are not blood related but are defined as family/ a hometown that I adore/ the Church truly being the Body/ singing loud in the car/ journaling/ late night hang outs/ passion & dreaming/ waking up early/ snow cones/ heart to hearts/ …the list could go on and on but today as you have chill or crazy saturdays all over the world- man, soak it up, enjoy it- Enjoy Jesus, enjoy each other.  Stop for just a second and know that it was never promised (although entitlement will tell us otherwise) but that He truly is the giver of every good gift, and apart from Him it doesn’t exist.  So today sing a little louder, run a little slower, call someone back, hop on skype, don’t look at your planner as much, dance,  drink an extra cup of coffee, hug someone a little longer, say I love you more than normal, listen to someones response when you ask how they are, tell people why you appreciate them in your life, keep that Bible open, hit your knees in prayer- and listen for His voice, stay still for a second, the Truth is He is much nearer than we realize in our loud lives.  So here is just a little blog and a little poem that prayerfully will encourage you as you journey with Him today- and point you truly to the only One worthy.  Thanks for reading – updates will continually come – today is just more of a heart spill that I never want to clean up.  As Case would say- never, say, never- yep that is Justin Bieber and yes Case has infected me with her crazy love for this kid.  Can’t wait to continue to fill you in. Until the next blog- Grace and Grace from Waco!!  A kid named hero  you can click the link in blue if you want the poem, or just read it hear. Y’all are awesome! much much love!

 

“A Kid Named Hero”

September 2011

For Casey Nicole

 

If I close my eyes tight enough I can still hear the whistle blow

As a group of third graders run over this means more than you’ll ever know

You are only nine but you, child, are so full of life

And eight years later this is why I can’t sacrifice

Remembering

A dreamer as a kid, with the same passion still alive

It’s like the more odds stacked against you the more you re gonna thrive

This couldn’t stop you if it wanted

Simply because of Who lives inside

You

Are

No longer nine, and my memories seem faded

Like a record player spinning cd’s I think the flashbacks are dated

And also attached to many years ago

When I got teach you how to shoot and show you the meaning of x’s & o’s

Oh,

How there are days when I wish we could re-visit there

And instead of shooting baskets, I think we would talk about prayer

And joy and how life isn’t always what we make it

But more like an adventure that the Father paints

And we simply trace it

Breaths flow deeper out of my lungs when the thought draws near

That I saw you dance, walk, and run without any ounce of fear

Of falling, or failing, or running out of strength

And now there is such a different picture that the mirror paints

See

A mirror

Cannot hold the beauty that you reflect

Faith cannot be contained by the images glass projects

And what is projected is the hope of things not seen

A clear understanding of what it actually means

to call Him

Faithful

He is

In the midst of walkers, surgeries, throw-up buckets, and iv’s

As much as beside opened Bibles and prayer-worn knees

Please

Hear me

Say this

This I call to mind, and therefore, I have hope

Torn but not shattered, bruised but not crushed

While weeping remains for the night in the morning

There will be a rush

Of Joy

That lights up what dark tries to cover

In the midst of an illness we have all discovered

That it really is True

Story- Yours- is the one that has illuminated the Scriptures

The one that the Father is using to paint me the most vivid picture

Of how He carries us

And it’s not a past tense phrase because we are still learning to trust

His plan

His sovereignty

His leading of the way

His promise that the life that is to come is far more than tangible today

And I see this

Through the lens He has placed within you

A journey that the faint hearted could never travel through

While we were walking on, He willed that our paths would collide to

I thought I already knew you but He has showed me that I was so wrong

The name that I had given you would not even go along

With who you are

Which is who His hands fashioned you to be

And I may be older, but child I want to see

The way you do

While I walk with a kid named hero

You think you don’t know her but she is much nearer

Than you can dream

Because when you look in the mirror she’ll be exactly who you see

Yes, you, are the one that makes me look up

When down have come the posters that for years have covered my walls

The trophies and the dreams that have covered the halls

Of my heart

Are gone

Far away are the days where it was about the dribblers or the dreamers

Today it’s the kid who is a sweet seventeen

Though

Wise beyond her years, and by her I mean you

The kid on this journey that, by His grace, I will walk next to

As we follow the only  One worthy

Who is writing a beautiful story

Through you as His daughter

As He holds tightly to you as Abba Father

He is

And will always be

Regardless of every circumstance that longs to hinder what we see

Because when I close my eyes tight enough

I can hear the sweetest whisper

My child don’t think for a second I’ve missed her

The kid you call Hero, I call Beloved , I call my own

And remember this journey that are walking

Is simply leading

Home.